Holiday Family

"It's the most wonderful time of the year..." sings a middle-aged man's voice on the radio.

It is the most wonderful time of the year indeed. And for you Christmas/ New Years brides out there...your wedding will be blessed, blissed and beautiful.

Celebrating the holidays with close friends and family, I noticed a pattern. Many men gravitate to their wives families. Holiday family gatherings are usually harnessed around a maternal figure, and the wife's family nucleus. The togetherness in this most wonderful time of the year can so easily amplifies the missingness of a loved one.

A mother is an anchor, a source of order, strength and home. For families that lose that anchor and warmth, it becomes so easy to spend life pretending. Pretending it doesn't matter that much, really. Pretending to be as interested in other family units out of the void of your own.

Last night, in an air conditioned car on a frigid night, my husband and I had a conversation about the emptiness that comes with not having a second side of the family to complete the family circle.

First come the justifications...we live far away by choice. We're adults now, independent and complete in our own right. But the truth of the matter is that the picture is unwhole. And the memories of what it would have been like for it to be whole fade with every passing year. Nine years of not hearing a loved one's voice is a long time. A make believe lie of her going on a long trip can no longer hold up.

So the conclusion of our car talk was to accept this reality. We've tried to challenge it, change it, work around it...but this year, for it to be the most wonderful season, we're embracing it. No longer pretending. Even if it's our own little secret.