The Jolly Holidays

Already Thanksgiving has made it's 2008 entrance, followed by the jolly Christmas spirit.

It's the nation's one last shot to creep out of hybernation before the freezing cold settles in.

And here -- juggling between wedding budgets and contract maneuvering, add to the bride's to-do list: gift giving, card sending, party attending, family mingling and mother missing.

Before freaking out on your fiance from stress, or to any tree that will listen -- allow me to propose one hidden wedding planning benefit of this busy season.

The opportunity to ask for help.

Many motherless brides I have met revel in the appearance of being entirely self sufficient. Indeed, the notion of asking for help would mean to acknowledge weakness and face up to the feeling of wanting to be safe in the strength of a mother's arms.

I remember sitting on a carpeted floor days before our wedding, bundling bird-friendly confetti into little strips of material I had envisioned to be cast upon my fiance and I as we were to be announced husband and wife.

Housemates that walked by my neat little bundles frequently asked if I needed help.

Politely I declined. Over and over. Resenting the fact that they couldn't read my mind, roll up their sleeves and start counting confetti.

To ask for their help would mean my confessing "I feel alone and scared, would you help me and give me the support I need?" Although the request would not be interpreted as such, I was determined not to feel like someone's project. Besides, getting married was my choice, why should people feel obligated to help.

Such an approach alienated me, feeding my distrust of people's motives.

Which leads me back to the subject at hand. The blessed holiday season is a time of coming together, figuratively as well as literally. Being true to your heart and inviting others in will bring a comfort isolation does not allow. Trust me, I've been there.

For many people, complex family issues arise at this time. People are craving comfort and the warmth of friendship.

Inviting others to help you bundle confetti balls, assemble invitations, or shop for random deals can seal the joy of the season, both for you and for those who want to share in your joy.